Bella and I were sharing a drink with a couple we had just met while picking their brains about their lifestyle. I had asked them to help me make sense of why I was starting to get turned on by the seemingly outrageous idea of seeing my wife with another man.
Kat and Tim looked at each other as though they both had a lot to say. In a very submissive move, Kat sat back and rubbed Tim’s shoulder lovingly as a signal for him to go ahead. I found it interesting because I thought that Kat was in charge of their duo, but now it seemed that she was yielding the responsibilities of the “alpha male” to Tim.
“That’s a loaded question, Jeff, but I’m sure you already knew that.” Tim stated the obvious, smiling at us. “First and foremost, I would say that you should congratulate yourself because you’ve probably just unlocked your true sexuality, and now you have a whole new universe to explore that you never even knew existed inside of your head.”
“That’s kind of how I feel right now,” I admitted, confirming Tim’s sentiment.
“I’m not saying that it is a certainty,” Tim continued, “But this is probably the beginning of an amazing journey as long as you and Bella are on the same page.”
“We’ve been talking about it all evening,” Bella jumped in, “and I think we are. Though I’m not only surprised at Jeff’s discovery, but I’m also very surprised at how comfortable and eager I am about this as well.”
“That is the key, guys.” Kat jumped in, too. “You absolutely must be on the same page at all times. Things may evolve and change, and if you don’t communicate, you can end up in a lot of trouble. If you are not the type of couple who is one hundred percent honest with each other on all levels, you may want to give this a second thought.”
“I don’t think we have to worry about that,” I replied with a grin. “We share everything with one another. Anything from what we had for lunch to who looked at whose ass and when.”
Both Bella and I glanced at each other with a smile, and I think that was the best confirmation for Kat and Tim to show that we had that requirement covered.
“So, you want to know why you are turned on by the thought of your wife having sex with another man?” Tim asked, and got my full attention back.
“Yes, I have never really met anyone or have even heard of anyone who would be into this sort of thing,” I replied. “And I’m almost scared that there is something wrong with me all of a sudden.”
“Would you share this newly-found fetish with your friends, or family, or even your coworkers once you wake up tomorrow?” he asked.
“Of course not!” I answered quickly, aghast at the thought.
“Then I think you’ve just answered your own question, don’t you think?”
Tim caught me by surprise with his question, as I wasn’t really sure what he was getting at. “How so?”
“You just said that the reason you’re afraid that there is something wrong with you is because you’ve never heard of anyone with this type of a ‘problem’.” Tim did air quotes as he said it. “But then you said that you yourself would never tell anyone.”
“Oh, I see what you mean.” I started to catch on. “So, you’re telling me that there are plenty of guys out there who enjoy watching their wives fuck other men; it’s just that everyone is keeping it a secret and thus no one knows that they all exist?”
“You didn’t. Until today,” Tim smiled. “And you’ve been gracing the face of the Earth for how many years?”
“If you go online, you’ll find tons of forums, groups, and even dating services just for couples like us,” Kat continued Tim’s thought.
“I feel like we’re joining a secret society,” Bella said with excitement in her eyes.
“That’s a good way to put it, girl.” Kat responded with a grin.
“Okay, okay. So I might not have known that there were so many other people into this.” I was still trying to make sense of everything. “But how in the world did I not know that I was?”
Tim seemed to have the answer right away. “That one is easy. Think of it as your favorite wine, whatever that may be.”
“Wine?” I wasn’t sure if comparing my sexual epiphany to a Napa Valley trip was going to give me a new outlook on life, but I was willing to listen.
“Yes,” Tim replied. “I’m sure you didn’t ask for it when you were born, or even when you were five. You were into breast milk and orange juice. As a matter of fact, if someone would have let you try that wine, you would have spit it right out again in disgust. It would taste bitter and burn your insides.”
“That actually happened when I was like, ten, and my mom let me taste a sip out of her glass once. I thought it was poison,” I answered, chuckling.
“There you go!” Tim continued. “You thought it was disgusting. More disgusting or less disgusting than someday letting your wife sleep with another guy?”
I started to grasp what he was getting at, for the man made sense. “I see where you’re going with this. You’re saying that I had to drink lots of orange juice and milk before the age, time, situation, and dinner pairing was right for me to fall in love with my wine?”
“Congratulations on getting weaned off of milk,” Tim put his hand on my shoulder in almost comforting manner and smiled.
Things suddenly started to make more sense. All jokes aside, I guess maybe I wasn’t ready simply because I hadn’t previously known that this was a “thing”; I hadn’t presented my brain with this option. Most importantly, I hadn’t been in a position to have an opportunity to explore a lifestyle like this. Only now that I was married, and both of us were looking to spice things up, was I even open to new ideas and concepts as far as my sex life was concerned.
“What about me?” Bella jumped in as I was still processing all of the information. “I was always a pretty straightforward girl, wanting to be in a monogamous marriage and never having any kind of wild orgies or threesome experiences even in my college years.”
“Are you asking why all of a sudden you want to be a dirty little slut?” Kat followed up on Bella’s statement with a question that Bella was probably afraid to ask herself.
Bella stopped for a second, a bit taken aback by Kat’s straightforward and yet very sober estimation of her internal dilemma. “Yes!” she replied, seemingly surprised by her own answer yet visibly excited.
“That’s easy, too,” Kat followed Tim’s footsteps in her approach to our “silly” questions, her words quick and to the point. “For starters, most women reach a new level of horny as they move into their 30s and 40s. That’s just nature.”
“I have noticed that my sex drive is much higher now than it was when I was in my 20s,” Bella confessed, something I didn’t even know.
“See! And you’re not alone,” Kat replied. “So pair that up with the fact that you are now more comfortable and secure in who you are and what you want. On top of that, a lot of people feel the time crunch, you know? There is only so much time that we have before things go south and dry up.”
“That does make sense,” Bella agreed. “I’d also like to think that with age we just get more real. When I was 20, I was convinced that when I got married we’d make love with candles and rose petals every day for hours for the rest of our lives.”
“And now?” Kat giggled a little in anticipation of Bella’s answer, as we all had noticed Bella opening up a bit more.
“Now,” Bella paused. “Now… apparently I want to get nailed by a stranger in a dark room while my husband watches.”
We all laughed, though all of us knew that it wasn’t so much funny as it was real and incredibly sexy. I know I got aroused yet again, this time by how refreshingly genuine Bella was in talking about the topic. It felt like she was coming into her own and in a way taking charge of our mini sex revolution. That was incredibly hot.
“So…” The practical side of me took over again. “What do we do now?”
“That’s kind of up to you,” Tim replied. “Your goal should be to make sure that nothing you do jeopardizes your relationship. That should always be the number one priority.”
“Of course!” I said. “That’s what we’re kind of afraid of. You know, doing something that would compromise our marriage.”
“We did it this way,” Tim continued. “We decided that with a few rules anything that happens with our experiences is a trial. We know that some things we try we won’t like and we won’t do again. Much like with anything else, we know that if we don’t try different things, we will never find things that we do like. With that said, we never punish each other for doing it or bring it up if we ever argue.”
“It’s funny how you mention all of this,” I replied. “Bella and I just kind of made up the very same rule for the rest of the night. I think you just phrased it better.”
“Oh?” Kat jumped in. “So you guys are thinking about doing something tonight?”
“We don’t really know,” Bella answered. “Everything is moving so fast, but we also don’t want to miss out on something that may present itself tonight.”
“I have to say that some of our greatest experiences have been spontaneous,” Tim admitted. “Because part of the excitement is living in the moment and just going for it. As long as you have the ground rules in place and the agreement that no action gets punished, there shouldn’t be anything holding you back.”
“Though don’t think that what worked for us or anybody else will work for you in the same way.” Kat had a point.
“We do understand that,” I replied. “What are the ground rules that you and maybe other couples you know have for this?”
“I think most couples have similar rules,” Kat replied. “Most of them are just common sense.”
“The most important one is to be hundred percent honest with each other and communicate everything that’s on your mind,” Tim jumped back in. “Ask questions if you want to know, share your thoughts if you have any, and never blame each other for doing so no matter how much you may have disliked what you heard. If you don’t follow this—nothing else will really matter. You will most likely end up hating the lifestyle and putting your relationship in jeopardy.”
“I think we can commit to that for sure,” Bella responded before I had a chance. “What are the other rules?”
“Stop if you don’t like what is happening, even if it’s smack dab in the middle of the action,” Kat answered right away. “Don’t be afraid to ruin everyone’s fun. It is only fun if everyone is into it. If you don’t stop what’s happening when you don’t like it, you may regret the experience and start resenting the lifestyle.”
“The last thing that’s left is safety,” Tim said. “Health-wise and security-wise. You’ll be meeting strangers. Make sure you don’t put yourself in an unsafe or dangerous situation. On top of that, make sure that you understand the health risks and protect yourself according to the comfort level you have set for yourselves.”
“Has anything like that ever happened to you guys?” Bella asked.
“We’ve never had a situation where we felt we put ourselves in harm’s way,” Tim answered. “However, we did have an experience where we had a condom break with someone whom we hadn’t asked to verify his health status. That was a scare. Luckily he was cool enough to go and get tested the next day and share his results with us. We were in the clear.”
“That’s scary,” Bella replied. “We haven’t even thought about that. Though I think it goes without saying that we’ll be using condoms with everyone we do anything with.”
“That’s always a good idea,” Tim said. “Once you decide if you want to stay in this lifestyle and if so, how far you want to get into it, you’ll find it easier to set your own comfort levels as far as safety and health are concerned.”
“I think these rules are common sense and I don’t see why we shouldn’t adopt those as well,” I replied as Bella and I looked at each other in agreement.
“Do you think we are ready?” Bella seemed to want to get the conversation back to the practical part. “I mean, where should we start?”
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